I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
