Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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