how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
