Can Purell be used as lube?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
