please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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