this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
