Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
