I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
