You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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