i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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