I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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