Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Randomize
