Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
