just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
