He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
