I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
