That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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