Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
