well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
