The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
