Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
