I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
