Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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