I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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