Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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