if you like me you must not know who I am
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
