we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
