New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
