i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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