don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
