I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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