We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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