gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
