A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
