you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
