You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
