I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
