Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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