he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
