We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
