dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
