Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize