i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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