The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
