so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
