Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
