Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
