the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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