im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
