I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
