Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
