I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
