Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize