I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
