watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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