Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
