At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
