I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
