I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
