it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you had me at cake vodka
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Found the puke drawer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
