he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
