she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
