Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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