Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
