I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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