are you so shy because you have an std?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
