ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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