mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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